“For years, copying other people, I tried to know myself.

From within, I couldn’t decide what to do.

Unable to see I heard my name being called.

Then I walked outside.

The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.

Don’t go back to sleep.

You must ask for what you really want.

Don’t go back to sleep.

People are going back and forth across the doorsill where the two worlds touch. The door is round and open.

Don’t go back to sleep.”

 

Rumi

My story

 

 

It’s January 2018 and one year and a half of healthy eating have passed since I have been following the Bright Line Eating program that brought me from size 22 to size 8. I’m at my goal weight and … unhappy! Lost in the fog of pessimistic emotions and contradictory thoughts, unclear, uncertain, feeling at a crossroads and not knowing which direction I should go in, now, at 49 years old.

I’m living with my partner David for more than 10 years, in his lovely & a cosy house with a garden, in South London, having a great relationship, being in good relationship with my family and his, having friends, keeping ourselves healthy, having fun and trips abroad and generally speaking not having reasons to complain. So, how come I find myself in this pit?

I don’t work at the moment. I worked in accounting, a field I never liked, despite the qualifications and skills gained during the years and the related rewards. In the last 2 years, I had short term contracts and now I’m again in that position of searching for another job. I’m dreading all the experience of interviewing, the nerve-racking days of waiting and the threat of rejection, only to get into a position where I’d be overworked, do unpaid overtime and spend half of my life in an off-putting environment with long commuting.

 

 

 

 

What’s the alternative? Do something else, but what? I cannot do what I know I would like to because I’m too old. Anything else!? I don’t even know what I like anymore? And how would I find out? I tried a few new things in the past that didn’t work out; waste of time and money. Stepping into the UKNOWN is scary! Not again, I’m tired. I’m overwhelmed with loads of questions, I’m feeling pulled in two opposite directions. There is no clarity, only sadness, and the uncertainty is killing me. I’m not able to now what I want, to make a decision – any decision! I should be happy I lost the excess weight; I should not be depressed now! Don’t know what’s happening with me, this unhappiness comes from within – the outside is fixed! I am feeling depressed, disappointed with myself, confused, useless and worried about the future. What do I do with my life? What’s the meaning of it? Who am I? There is some longing inside of me, but so unclear. How can I make myself feel alive? How to bring that sad little girl out in the light and make her smile again? Or bring the light to her? But how?

Days were exhausting, spent in a weird kind of search and nothing was easy, apart from the loving, constant and the full-of-patience support from David. I was feeling guilty and thought it’s not fair to him to be stroppy with him and overreact often. The “baddy” was inside me. But how to banish it, what to do?

One day I was chatting on messenger with one of my friends whom I had met online through BLE program. She offered to do an internal parts session with me. I was curious; I had never done this inner work before. It was a kind of meditation-visualisation and during the first part, she got me in the best place I ever felt happy and secure. I sensed myself on a hot summer day when I was floating on the sea.

In January 2019 I came across Human Design. I was absolutely blown away by this fascinating field of knowledge. HD has brought more clarity to the whole picture of me as an energetic human being and I started to understand some of the unconscious aspects of my design and how they are combined with the conscious part of my personality.

In February 2019, results of EAM work started to show up in my relationships with my Mum, sister and brother, they simply flourished. March intensified everything in the last EAM workshop and now, in April with the last bits of work at the last modules of this program, the realisation came that I’m indeed up-levelling, that I look at the world entirely through totally different lenses, that I feel differently and that I love what I’m becoming. I am ready and open to the next stage of my journey!

The biggest Aha-moment! was that I started to seriously see myself making a difference for ME and others, that I have what is needed to make a coach/mentor and be able to guide people into discovering themselves and that I am helpful and useful.

My biggest life lesson was that I learnt to trust the Universe. I learnt other lessons too, to love and trust myself, unconditionally. I learnt that once I opened myself, once I accepted and understood that I’m part of this energy field that surrounds us, once I was in alignment, I could do anything I want, I could transform myself, I could co-create the life I dream about. I really believe I can do this now.

During 2018, my life has changed for the better day by day. My perception towards my life, my emotional and physical state changed for the better. I made peace with my past; being in alignment brought forgiveness in my heart for my alcoholic and abusive father who passed away a long time ago. I got rid of my bouts of sadness, anger and depression, migraines, backaches and pains. I changed my way of thinking, releasing lots of limiting beliefs and patterns. 

 

My emotions became more stable and positive and I was able to make important decisions about my life and act upon them in alignment, so I was at peace in my heart. I stopped looking for a job in accounting which never resonated with me. I got clarity regarding my life purpose and found the strength to follow it. I got peace and self-love in my heart and self-trust to be able to change my career in midlife.

I’m stepping up every day on the spiral staircase of my future. Once my Mind and Heart are in sync, I can hear my soul guiding me, I only have to follow it. I know this happened in the past, but now I’m doing this consciously. I gained clarity and trust in how I can follow my soul. I gained understanding about my being, how I perceive the world now is different. Words like “core values” and “purpose” have real, deeper meaning for me now. I know I can change my life on purpose, with awareness and intention and not waiting for something to happen or someone to come and save me. I am the one who can save myself; I’m the one who can heal myself. I am the one who can make me happy.

Furthermore, I know that everyone can do this. I’m here for anyone who is at the beginning of their transformation and don’t know what to do, what to think, how to feel. I’m here to let them know that they are not alone, to guide them through that process of understanding and feeling of themselves, and to reassure them that they are able to transform their lives.

I believe that humanity is on the brink of a huge evolutionary leap and I am consciously willing to be part of it. I am indeed amazed and delighted living in such interesting times on this beautiful planet. I feel this with every fibre of my body, every cell and every particle of energy in my being.

I was in the water, not needing to move my arms or legs to swim as there were no waves. That feeling of pure harmony, of being in sync with the sea and the sun above, breathing in unison with them was absolutely perfect. The peace in my soul was immense and it was enveloping everything, holding me there, happy in that place beyond time. Actually, that episode happened for real 17 years earlier when holidaying at a Black Sea resort in Romania, it happened just before I was about to live some very intense moments in my life, that represented the beginning of a new chapter for me. Retrospectively, I can see it was like the calm before the storm, as those intense moments meant a “letting go” time for me then, that included the ending of a 15 years old relationship that wasn’t going anywhere. Little did I know that after “letting go” all that, I would close my business, get married, move countries, then get divorced and eventually find David when it was the least expected. Hmmm …

 Now, going back to the internal parts session with my friend, that picture of floating motionless and in complete surrender to the sea, was the picture of my inner child having her best time and I could have stayed there forever! Then my friend asked me to put the adult me in that picture, but I couldn’t, I remember I started crying. Why wasn’t I feeling the same bliss? I started to feel a deep pain in my throat and my chest as if my soul was suffering. I wasn’t able to go further with the visualisation, but that session revealed very clearly to me that I have to let that part of myself be happy again, I have to love her, I have to gain her trust and let her emerge, I have to let her shine. I made the promise to myself at the end of that session that I will do whatever it will take and however long it will take to free myself from that pain and be whole and happy for the rest of my life. I DECIDED that I don’t want to feel that pain anymore.

Soon after I’ve taken that decision, a succession of synchronicities has started to happen and a series of Aha! moments have come in a huge swirl. I can candidly say that the year 2018 was the most incredible, amazing and most magical year of my life. And, I zigged and zagged all along, went with the flow and trusted more and more that I am on the right path.

I started going weekly to a yoga class and began to meditate almost every day.

In February, I found Energy Alignment Method and completed the free course 5 Days to Flow. I was amazed by the changes in my emotional state.

In March, I enrolled in Tapping into Wealth program with Margaret Lynch and started the training to coach people using the tapping modality! I was very excited and beginning to envision doing this kind of work for the rest of my life. My intention was to get certified and start building my career in online coaching.

 During the first half of the year, I read a lot and watched a variety of videos which helped me understand what personal development means. I found out that there is a totally different world that I never knew anything about and I was fascinated. I discovered Abraham Hicks, Louise Hay, Wayne Dyer and many others; all their teachings gave me more self-trust, and hope and confidence.

My days became calmer and enjoyable, and really exciting things happened each month. I celebrated my 50th birthday in April 2018 at my ideal weight as aimed from 2 years before. And, on top of that, I WALKED ON FIRE at Tony Robbins’s event. What?! Yes, I did that! I have been gifted a ticket to his event in London which I shared with a friend and thoroughly enjoyed every moment!

May brought me a fabulous holiday in Spain.

Then, June started with an amazing 3-day workshop, the beginning of an 18 months program to become a certified mentor with Energy Alignment Method, and the magic intensified!

Later that month we went on a trip to California, participating at the annual event in San Diego with Bright Line Eating movement that I was already part of. There I had the chance to hold the microphone for a few minutes and openly speak to an audience of 400 people. So much excitement and joy!

On the same trip, the Universe decided I deserve another bonus and I was offered a surreal experience at Abraham Hicks’s live event in San Francisco. My inner being was rocking and rolling!

August flew by like a dream while travelling in Europe to see my family and friends and shared my fabulous recent experiences. Back in the UK, I co-organised a 4-day retreat for a group of 14 and had a wonderful opportunity to work on my skills from a different perspective, the perspective of my aligned energy.

September came with the second EAM workshop, where wonders happened and my vibration rose further.

The highlight in October was meeting live the last man I fell in love with, the father of epigenetics, Bruce Lipton, and I was absolutely astonished by his simplicity, charm and erudition. What a boost to my vibe!

November was taken over by my inner child and my passion for the theatre and I performed in the comedy production by the amateur drama club I’m part of. Later in the same month, I had my fingerprints read by a specialist who confirmed that I’m on my right path to living my life purpose in the school-of-service.

With December came another EAM workshop and a period of working on myself intensively, clearing most of the deep resistances as the energy started to feel lower.

HOME

ABOUT

SERVICES

BLOG

CONTACT

BOOK AN ONLINE SESSION